Friday, December 05, 2003

Because the name "Biggus Dickus" was taken?

Fossilised crustacean boasts oldest penis A newly discovered 425 million-year-old fossil boasts a lurid claim to fame - it has the oldest penis on record.

The five millimetre long crustacean, discovered by UK and US researchers, has been named Colymbosathon ecplecticos - derived from the Greek for "astounding swimmer with a large penis".

The well-endowed creature is surprisingly similar to modern relatives, despite being entombed nearly half a billion years ago, says the team.

David Siveter, a paleontologist at the University of Leicester, and colleagues unearthed the clamlike species in a rock formation in Herefordshire, UK. The creature possesses a hard shell, an organ for grabbing prey, six gills, as well as a "copulatory organ [that] is large and stout", says the team....

From Monty Python's Life of Brian:

I'm not Jewish ... I'm a Roman!
No, *ROMAN*.
(But he's not quick enough to avoid another blow from the CENTURION.)
So, your father was a *WOMAN*. Who was he?
BRIAN (proudly)
He was a centurion in the Jerusalem Garrison.
Oh. What was his name?
Nortius Maximus.
(An involuntary titter arises from the CENTURION.)
Centuwion, do we have anyone of that name in the gawwison?
Well ... no sir.
You sound vewwy sure ... have you checked?
Well ... no sir ... I think it's a joke, sir ... like ... Sillius Soddus
or ... Biggus Dickus.
What's so funny about Biggus Dickus?
Well ... it's a ... joke name, sir.
I have a vewwy gweat fwend in Wome called Biggus Dickus.
(Involuntary laughter from a nearby GUARD surprises PILATE.)
Silence! What is all this insolence? You will find yourself in
gladiator school vewwy quickly with wotten behaviour like that.
(The GUARD tries to stop giggling. PILATE turns away from him. He is angry.)
Can I go now sir ...
(The CENTURION strikes him.)
Wait till Biggus hears of this!
(The GUARD immediately breaks up again. PILATE turns on him.)
Wight! Centuwion ... take him away.
Oh sir, he only ...
I want him fighting wabid wild animals within a week.
Yes, sir.
(He starts to drag out the wretched GUARD. BRIAN notices that little
attention is being paid to him.)
I will not have my fwends widiculed by the common soldiewy.
(He walks slowly towards the other GUARDS.)
Now ... anyone else feel like a little giggle when I mention my fwend ...
(He goes right up to one of the GUARDS.)
Biggus ... Dickus. He has a wife you know.
(The GUARDS tense up.)
Called Incontinentia.
(The GUARDS relax.)
Incontinentia Buttocks!

Wednesday, November 19, 2003

Hey, kids, take this fun quiz!

Can you tell the difference between arguements against interracial marriage and same-gender marriage? Give this handy-dandy test a try!

Same Race, or Same Sex?

Thursday, May 29, 2003

Ah, a writer's life

Yes, I write smutty books. People often ask me if that's a good way to make money. Go take a look at what the Insta-Industry gets in royalties and tell me what you think.

Friday, April 18, 2003

Passover haiku

I know, I know, I need to go shopping and start cooking for our seder tomorrow night. But I can't resist Passover Haiku.

Left the door open
for the Prophet Elijah.
Now our cat is gone.

Lacking fins or tail
the gefilte fish swims with
great difficulty.

Friday, April 11, 2003

Amazing coolness

Ever wonder how big the Millenium Falcon is compared to, say, the Vorlon Planet Killer, as opposed to the Enterprise?

Go here! But only if you have high speed access.

Wednesday, February 26, 2003

Star Trekin' across the universe...

Mark Simpson over at Salon has a very funny and pointed article on Star Trek. It opens:
The first thing that greets me is Capt. Kirk's package. Jim's intergalactic manhood is clearly, alarmingly outlined against the fabric of his tight 1960s-cut black trousers, dressing very much to the left. I assure you I wasn't looking for it -- it just loomed up like a de-cloaked Romulan Bird of Prey. It shouldn't be surprising that James Tiberius Kirk, the famously gung-ho Starfleet commander, went commando, boldly swinging where no man had swung before. Maybe that, as much as his twinkly mascara'd eyes and his captaincy of the fastest, flashiest vehicle in the galaxy, the USS Enterprise, was the secret of caddish Jim's phenomenal success with lady humanoids and aliens alike.
Read the rest of this hilarious piece here.

Tuesday, February 25, 2003

She writes fiction, too

I'd read several modern romance-style books by Naomi Ragen before I discovered she was an editorialist as well. I hear her voice perfectly well in Peace, Peace, but there is no Peace

Thursday, February 20, 2003

The Queens folklorist

The borough I live in has it's own folklorist! Very cool.

Friday, February 07, 2003

File this under, "Only in New York"

With hospital, you get eggroll; and it's kosher!

(updated December 2008) leave it to my wife, Karen, to tell me that there's actually a book out about this hospital *sighs* I guess that's her way of hinting at a Hanukkah gift.

Did I mention that she has odd taste in books?