In today's Blatant Commercial Message, I would like to announce...
The Official, Real, True, Total, Absolute, Fashion Statement of the YEAR...
The "You must be this tall to ride this ride" T-shirt!
And mug, sticker, post card, and assorted other sundries.
(Don't know what it means? Read my latest keynote speech.)
Available NOW at The ONLY Middle Aged Guard store in the WORLD!
*GASP! as you spot the very reasonable prices.
*CAVORT! when you pull on your rare mark of distinction.
*FLIRT! with the eager hordes who approach you with that basic come-fuck-me-now line, "Hey, where'd you get that cool t-shirt?"
And if you act NOW, you can see the ARRAY of STUNNING, AMUSING and did I mention RARE? shirts, sweatshirts, hoodies, mugs, greeting cards, posters and even teddy bears and pet bowls, available for YOU, the discerning consumer and knowledgeable insider.
JUST in time for HOLIDAY SHOPPING!
Gaze in AWE at new items with older designs - PLUS sizes! ORGANIC materials! MATERNITY sizes! Stylish drinking accessories!
Let people know who you are with your MIDDLE AGED GUARD hoodie; let them know who you crave as you announce you are LOOKING FOR CHRIS PARKER. Declare your love of service, or your exalted role as a true, lifestyle, etc. type. And most of all, SUPPORT your author, who needs some income occasionally.
This has been a commercial message from the Official Laura Antoniou Marketplace Cafe Press Store. Act now! The web is standing by.