Friday, January 16, 2009

Vulcans can be amusing

Now that I've come out about my strange fetish for Bill Shatner I can also admit Spock never did it for me as a romantic figure. He was too obvious! "Oh, look at me, outcast and alone, smarter than anyone, tall and brooding, strong and sensitive. Did I mention tall?" I was one of the chicks who went for his daddy, Sarek.

Coincidentally, the book I am reading now is Sarek (Star Trek).

Anyhoo, way back in the dark ages before Teh Interwebs, people who had strange fetishes which were not readily found by using a search engine often had to either meet in person (if they were lucky enough to be able to get to a convention) or they had to rely on - brace yourself here, this will sound really odd...the US Mail.

See, the we would do something sort of like writing a post on a blog, only then we would then print it out and mail it to people. And then, someone got the idea to take a lot of these posts, sometimes known as "stories" or "articles" and put them in a stack and staple them together and make a "fanzine" which was sort of a website, only in print. Pretty weird, huh?

So, all snark aside, one of my favorite bunches of stories and 'zines involved the romantic adventures of Sarek and Amanda, the infamous Night of the Twin Moons series being the most memorable. They were written by the now well known author Jean Lorrah.

Star Trek erotica, of course, is very famous. When people talk about sexually oriented fan fiction, the sheer wealth of Trekporn is overwhelming. The classic slash fiction, after all, is Kirk/Spock. (My favorite K/S story boils down to this: K&S are marooned on the stereotypical desert planet. Kirk says to Spock, "Did I ever tell you about the human mating ritual?" Ba-dum-DUM!)

So, I am hunting through my Trek books for one to read and what do I find - NOT my Sarek/Amanda 'zines, NOT Spock Enslaved and NOT any slash. I found ... Kirk porn.

Burst out laughing. Centerfold and everything!! And wow, the writing is cheesy, when it's not just...awful. I can absolutely buy Uhura offering solace to the heartbroken Kirk after that whole "lost my wife and baby" Mirimanni thing. But racing him to the sonic shower while saying "Last one in's a n-word baby!"...I'm not buying it.

Oy. This is the one that survived my previous geek purge? Probably because I couldn't find anyone to take it. I know somewhere I still have a sort of SM themed one, where a Mary Sue from modern, Star Trek watching earth becomes Mirror Mirror Spock's love slave. There wasn't nearly enough bondage and beating as I recall.

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